The Behind Story on "Dear Kim"

I wrote Dear Kim when my little dog Spring was still with me. He came into my life through someone we knew, whose dog had just had puppies. They knew we'd always wanted one and offered him to us, and he arrived like a gift.

But before Spring, there was another dog. An acquaintance gave him to us while their child was away at camp, without telling the child. Within days I'd fallen completely in love with him, and then three days later they called and took him back because their child wouldn't stop crying. It was my birthday. I was devastated, and we never spoke to that family again. My parents felt so bad that they started looking for a dog we could actually keep, and that's how Spring found us.

At first we didn't bond easily. I was still too sad from losing the other dog to really open up to him. Then one day I came home to find he'd knocked over the trash and made a mess of everything, and in a moment I'm not proud of, I told my family I couldn't keep him. We gave him to a friend that same night. The next morning the friend called before sunrise to say Spring had cried the whole night through and nobody slept. We brought him home that morning, and he was with us for sixteen years. My mom went to pick him up that morning, and he never forgot it. She was his favorite for all sixteen years we had him.

I loved him deeply every single day, even knowing he never loved me as much as he loved her, and I think deep down I always felt that was my fault. A few years before he passed, life got hard and I couldn't be as present with him as I wanted to be. I kept telling myself I'd make up for it once things got better. But before that happened, Spring got sick. His teeth became infected and he needed multiple surgeries, and when another surgery became too risky because of his age, we brought him home and loved him through whatever time we had left. He passed in my arms, and I felt his heartbeat stop.

More than a year and a half has passed and I still tell him I love him every day. I hope he forgives me, and I hope he knows how much he was loved. I want to believe he's somewhere out there waiting, because without that, the grief would feel impossible. I wrote Dear Kim when we were both still healthy, out of pure love for him, and I dedicated it to my mom because I know that's what he would have wanted. If you're reading this after losing a pet of your own, I hope you know it's not forever. It's only goodbye for now, just like me and Spring.